Advocating For Yourself
ESSAY: An Attribute of Self-Love That We Often Forget About
Introduction
In the last few weeks, I’ve rediscovered a concept around self-love and what it means to prioritise myself. This includes establishing boundaries, which much of our media landscape has covered in the last few years, but I wanted to discuss where these types of actions stem from. The idea for this piece came from a podcast that I was listening to where the speaker discussed that what you tolerate in one area will continue to happen overall, which from my experience couldn’t be more true. She goes on to say that tolerance can eventually lead to settling for certain behaviour, because as you allow it to repeat, you eventually become used to it.
So advocating on your own behalf absolutely includes boundary setting, however it also includes a scope of different actions that fall within the same concept umbrella. Self-advocacy regards understanding your own needs, rights and interests, and then clearly and assertively communicating those with whomever it concerns. Knowing ourselves completely (goals, intentions, value, limitations, and more) will help us determine a standard for what we’re inviting into our lives. Tolerance for less, and the continual allowance of doing so, will evolve into a benchmark for our standards overall if we don’t learn to address it.
Self-advocacy is a skill that develops over time through a number of different practices, including remaining informed, sharpening your communication skills, taking care of your own needs, and then also surrounding yourself with a supportive community that will help reinforce that mindset. These practices of course benefit other areas of your life as well, however concerning self-advocacy, I would say that incorporating these practices will strengthen the way in which you assert yourself annd start to actively engage in your life.
Remaining Informed
Self-advocacy begins with reflection and awareness. We cannot know what our needs, interests, and rights are until we become aware of them. This might sound apparent, however sometimes we need to explore beyond what we already know about ourselves so that we can be open to discovering more. This may come in the form of trying new things, going beyond our comfort zones, realistically gauging where we are versus where we would like to go, as well as being open to receiving feedback from people we trust.
From my own experience, it can really help me be more aware of the impact of my behaviour when people give me feedback; it was even essential to learn from other people as an actor in training, but even still it’s important for me to know that I’m coming across with the right intention. As an actor, part of the job is to be perceived effectively through what you’re trying to achieve through your character, so it was a fantastic opportunity for me to learn how to be receptive to feedback.
So if I want to know something honestly about my approach that I need to understand beyond what I already know, I ask family and friends that I can count on. Part of the reason for doing this is I can gain insight on their perception and compare it to my intentions, which gives me an idea of where the two meet and where I can improve. It, of course, requires descernment and faith. If you’re looking for honest and constructive feedback you’ll want to ask someone that wants to see you shine.
However, this stage is about getting to know ourselves truly without judgement, because ultimately we cannot strengthen our approach until we know which direction we’re headed in and where we could improve to move the needle forward. Getting to know ourselves on an intimate level — provides us with so much confidence in a way that increases our ability to move forward with resilience. In time, we’re granted the mental strength to overcome obstacles and keep us on track towards our desired selves.
Developing Communication Skills
Knowing how to communicate is incredibly important when seeking a desired result. Not only will it help you achieve your results more effectively, but it will also help mainting the respect within the relationship dynamic. Knowing how to discuss uncomfortable subjects whilst still remaining respectful in our approach gives us the opportunity to prevent any unnecessary conflict, and can even grant us the opportunity to earn more respect and trust in the process.
Approaching uncomfortable subjects in an effective way is an underrated skill, that benefits both professional as well as personal relationships. Very few people are taught these skills, so as a majority, approaching any sort of uncomfortable situation results in misaligned actions, discomfort, or complete avoidance. So not only do we learn to accept a degree of passive aggressive behaviour, but people are also ill-equipped to express themselves in a healthy way. As this is the behavioural standard for the majority, it is slowly becoming the standard for acceptability. Reaching beyond that standard is what we’re aiming for.
Knowing how to commuicate will not only aid in progressing forward professionally and personally, but will ultimately increase the confidence in yourself. Advocating for yourself will no longer be a daunting unheard of exercise, but one that will be incorporated into your practice to the point where, any sort of apprehension that may have held you back before, will dissipate. You want to be in a position to advocate for yourself without causing unnecessary disruptions or challenges for you or other people. The ultimate goal in this case, is to find a way to advocate for yourself that increases your confidence, ability, and sense of respect. In that regard, this is a skill worth learning and practicing.
Self-Care
Self-care is about incorporating practices that enhance who you already are by prioritizing your own health and well-being. Self-advocation falls well within that category, in that respect. From my experience, when we incorporate other self-care practices alongside self-advocacy the concept of approaching it becomes less intimidating, as we are already in the habit of prioritising our own well-being. Self-advocacy can sometimes be seen as stepping out of line with what is acceptable, but if we’re doing it in a respectful and effective manner, then there should be no reason as to why society rejects these practices.
When we introduce the best version of ourselves to the world, there is no doubt that our opportunities and luck increase. We live in a society that holds wealth and status in high regard — it is just how it is at the moment. So if you’re looking to progress forward in your life, it is important to realise that in order to achieve that sort of energy and confidence, it begins by looking after your health and your energy. The more you value yourself and your well-being, the more it will show, and you will attract that same energy back to you from the outside world. It might not attract wealth in itself, but incorporating self-care will help you immerse in the energy of abundance which will open doors of opportunity.
Taking care of our mental and psychological health is essential to increasing our progression and ultimately increases the value that we have to offer our society. When we win, everyone wins as the quality of our output becomes so much better. You may even inspire those around you to start doing the same, so then their output starts to increase in quality too. Although we are discussing how self-care and self-advocacy coincide, advocating for yourself is very much a self-care practice in general. When we become comfortable taking care of ourselves, self-advocacy will start to naturally incorporate itself into our habits and practices.
Community
Regardless of all of these points, community probably holds the biggest influence in our lives still. Without a supportive community these practices might not be as affective as they could be. So I would say that you have to surround yourself with the kinds of people that very much understand what you are trying to achieve and how that will require you to show up. If you are surrounded by people that are trying to shame you into submission instead of allowing you to try new things because it extends past their own comfort zones, then they are just not aligned with who you are (and who you are becoming) anymore.
Although you can improve and exercise new patterns of behaviour, you cannot force other people to do the same. We might be in a time of our lives where the concept of self-advocacy will make the most sense, and therefore the best course of action, but we’ll then also have to accept that others may not feel the same. Sometimes that will result in frustration or heart ache, because these are people that have been apart of our lives after all, but you’ll have to decide what you feel is best moving forward. It will require some soul searching as well as prioritising how you see your life evolving in the future, but these are the kinds of decisions that will determine the trajectory of your life. It’s a period of coming to terms with who you are, and what that version of you you have in mind will require.
This is also a form of self-advocacy.
Conclusion
Self-advocacy will require certain levels of discomfort in the beginning, especially if it threatens our sense of community. Our immediate response may be to submit to what we’re used to, to avoid rejection from our immediate environment. But by allowing that energy to overtake our decisions, we will have to accept our reality for what it is without complaint. The moment you are aware and have practiced informing yourself, yet remain in the same place you have always been, you are making a conscious decision to stay the same. Remember though, what you become used to over time will become your standard of normality.
In essence, self-advocacy is about rising to the challenge and exploring ways to maximise our potential. These practices are worth exploring because it’s an opportunity to grow and learn about yourself. I have the mindset of knowing that I’m only here to experience this life once, and so I want to make the most of it. However, I understand when I have people in my life that are not of that mindset. It’s not personal it’s just different. Our world is filled with all sorts of commuities, giving us the opportunity to meet others who share the same values.
This concept is about an expressing our value and increasing that value in the process. The more you are self-aware, the more you can govern yourself in the direction that’s best suited to you. Self-advocacy is many things, however, it is essentially about becoming a better version of who we already are by actively engaging with, and learning about, who you are. The journey is uncomfortable; it will challenge what we think we know about ourselves and how we may have gone about life up until now. However, the more we are willing to put in, the more we will come out having grown. Whatever the outcome, at the very least, we will be actively engaging with our lives and determining our trajectory.