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Three Women by Lisa Taddeo, in its own right, is a revolutionary read for me. It’s one of the most honest depictions of female desire and power, expressed by ordinary women that I’ve yet to read. It’s made a lasting impression on me as a result. Lisa Taddeo’s commitment to her work is unshakeable, and here’s why:
This book washes away any inhibitions, as its candid approach reveals the truths behind power dynamics in relationships, honestly depicting the female perspective. It’s in the nuances of the writing that you find yourself being moved, because to some degree it may have been an experience you may have encountered yourself.
Acknowledging and sharing honest thoughts can validate others who may share them too. Sharing and conversing over topics can help us gain perspective, and help us shift into better circumstances. Three Women does just that by opening the conversation on desire, and what the consequences of acting on our desires can lead to if we’re not intentional.
In this email we’ll cover:
The Book of The Week
Quotes and Questions to Reflect On
Insights and Inspiration
“My mother never spoke about what she wanted. About what turned her on or off. Sometimes it seemed that she didn’t have any desires of her own.” — Lisa Taddeo, Three Women
The book looks into the lives of Maggie, Lina, and Sloane, who are emotionally and physically drawn to their respective relationships. To varying degrees, their desire has had life-altering consequences. Maggie (in her early 20s) comes to terms with the fact that she was sexually assaulted in high school, Lina (30s) engages in a purely physical relationship with a non-committal man from her past, and Sloane (30–40) struggles with insecurities from her past that leek into her present marriage.
This read having been written through the female gaze, discusses female desire within the context of different relationships from their honest and inhibited perspective. Each character has her own story and own voice. So each expression and thought process is slightly different, but we still find that these women’s overall feelings parallel each other. In a way, it discusses these women’s sex lives and the way these men influence and control them.
Why We Love It:
I started to question my own experiences and came to understand myself better through the experiences of these Three Women. I’m not saying that all heterosexual relationships follow suit, but this happens often enough that the book feels as though it’s an exposure. When we find those parallels within our real lives, it almost unifies us collectively beyond the context of the book.
The book is incredibly effective as it’s the type of writing that converts words into feelings. Although the book’s focus is on sexuality and desire, it’s more so about the awareness of desire and taking a look at the complexities of it to help us make better decisions for ourselves. By uncovering truths through honest experiences, we can find ourselves empathising with an all too familiar situation.
Unmasking the mysteries of female desire makes us aware of what can disempower us, leaving us to look for what does empower us. True, not everyone is perfect, but loyalty, consideration and respect go a long way. It should be the minimum standard in our relationships. A shift in our expectations and self-worth will help shift us into healthier relationships.
Rather than the book leaving the characters empowered, it recounted circumstances where these women acted on their desire and were left disempowered, which is quite an intimate depiction. It begged me to ask the question; what makes certain behaviours and connections desirable?
If we can objectively see that a person or situation could cause us to question ourselves negatively, why do we pursue it? I’ve known so many women who have experienced these circumstances, myself included, and it can come to a point where it feels almost impossible to leave.
The benefit of engaging with reads from the perspective of the female gaze is that we are challenging the standards of the male gaze. We are collectively discovering and acknowledging the truth within our own and other women’s experiences. As a result, the imbalance these characters experience is because they don’t have a good sense of who they are yet.
Secondary Content:
A short introduction of the book and author:
Questions and Quotes to Reflect On
Quote of the Week:
“It’s the nuances of desire that hold the truth of who we are at our rawest moments.” — Lisa Taddeo, Three Women
Reflection Questions:
Do these women have experiences that resonate with you?
What decisions did one of the characters make that you found empowering or thought-provoking?
Does this book change your perspective on relationship dynamics?
Journal Prompts to Look Into:
Reflect on a time when you felt disempowered in a relationship due to acting on your desires.
What made those behaviours or connections desirable to you at the time?
How do you feel about those desires now?
Consider a relationship or situation where you knew it could cause you to question yourself negatively, yet you pursued it.
Why did you continue despite knowing the potential harm?
What needs or fears were influencing your actions?
Reflect on how a lack of self-knowledge and understanding of consequences has affected your relationships.
How can you develop a stronger sense of who you are and make more informed choices moving forward?
What steps can you take to better understand your values, needs, and boundaries?
Insights and Inspiration
Author Spotlight:
This Week’s Featured Author is Lisa Taddeo for her book “Three Women”
Other Works Include:
“Animal,” her debut novel and #1 New York Times Bestseller
Beyond the Book:
A conversation with Lisa Taddeo on the female gaze and female desire
Closing Remarks
Female desire does affect our choice of partner, however, knowing what you desire and why you desire it will help you navigate in a more positive direction. That’s what this book indirectly teaches; understand your desire, so that you can make the best decisions for you.
Although there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, I think it’s important to value who you are and have a partner who can value you in the same right (and you value them too). What these women have taught me, is that their stories are both heart-breaking and relatable. Desire is a complicated emotion, but it doesn’t have to be acted on.
Until Next Time!
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